Every morning, I make my kids a lunch to take to school. There are occasions that they can choose to have hot lunch. We look at the menu and they can decide which day they want it. There is money in their accounts at school, so it is easy for everyone. Well, this morning, the kids saw that there is a yogurt parfait lunch, which they all think is great. I asked each of them if they wanted hot lunch or to take a lunch from home. They all wanted the yogurt parfait. Just as they all got on their bikes to ride to school, Becca changed her mind. She insisted she did not want hot lunch. She wanted to take a lunch. By this time, it was time to LEAVE so there wasn't enough time to make her a lunch. Had she told me that 10 minutes before, I could have made a lunch for her.
Well, it turns out the reason she didn't want the hot lunch was because they get a tally of how many kids are having each choice for the cafeteria in the morning. If they don't tell the lunch room they are having hot lunch and then they show up to get one, they get a "yellow card." Also, if they make a choice and then change their minds as they get to the cafeteria, they get the dreaded yellow card. It seems that last time Becca chose hot lunch, she forgot to order it in the morning and was devastated to receive the yellow card. Since she is used to taking her lunch, she was petrified that she would forget to order it. I told her I would write it on her hand to remind her. She didn't want to get her hand "dirty." I said I would write her a note and pin it to her shirt to remind her. That wasn't acceptable either. Then I explained to her that she simply could just remember. If she was so worried about remembering, the best thing to do is to follow the rules. (I personally think it is a stupid rule, but I didn't make it.) She stood there and threw a temper tantrum about the whole thing. She said she "wasn't leaving until I made her a lunch." Oh Boy! I couldn't be the one to step down with that kind of attitude. I insisted she not talk to me that way and she had to peddle her little butt on to school so she wouldn't be tardy and get into trouble for that. Eventually, she calmed down enough to get going. In the time it took to argue over the stupid lunch, I could have made her one and sent her on her way happy. But then she would have learned it's ok to throw a fit to get her way.
After Becca left, I felt like a terrible mother. She had a fear of not being the perfect little student, always following the rules. I am not sure how to fix this other than to always give her a lunch from home so we never have to face the problem again. If it were up to me, the school wouldn't punish the kids for a little slip up like forgetting they are having hot lunch that day. I know I did the right thing by not giving into her tantrum, but it didn't feel good. I wish I could hug her and make amends right now. She probably thinks her mom is a wicked witch.
I have learned that they really get over things a lot faster than we do. I have apologized to my kids hours later after I've lost it at them, and they often act like they don't even know what I'm talking about. I wish mommies could forgive themselves half as fast as their kids do. Doing what would have been faster and easier wouldn't teach her the things she needs to learn to be a responsible person. You are a good mom.
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